...and so it begins...

today is the day that i received my first missed payment call on a credit card. i did not answer it, as i was asleep when the call came in (they really do start those auto-dialers early in the a.m., don't they). i thought that i was well resigned to the fact that this time would come, however i am really anxious/depressed over the whole thing. feelings of nausea come in little waves, and i just want to curl up into a little ball and cry....but that doesn't help end this turmoil...so i get up, go make some coffee, and get dressed in order to drop teeny off at her swim lessons (at least her mom can afford a few fun things for her to do this summer)....then it is back to the job hunting...and a good, hard, upper-body workout.

...the gist of it...

i live in bozeman, montana with my partner, his daughter, our 2 dogs and 2 cats. i own no property, we have 2 vehicles, try to eat all organic and exercise frequently.

i have one goal, and that is to provide for my family. i have been an IT project and program manager for over 11 years, have my masters degree in IT with a security concentration and a few certifications including my PMP. the last couple of years have been a bit of a roller coaster with the job situation locally and my battle with breast cancer. just when i was told my contract at a (relatively) local company was extended through the end of the year, i had finally felt some security...only to be told two weeks later that all contracts were being cancelled due to budget issues.

for the last three and a half months i have been applying for every IT/infrastructure project management position i can find....willing to relocate ANYWHERE in the US (thanks to my love's ex-wife who is willing to pick up and move where ever i can find a job so we can all stay together)...only to find that, even though i am well qualified, companies are looking for LOCAL CANDIDATES ONLY....and, salaries and hourly rates for my expertise have dropped 25 - 50%, depending on the market.

so, it has come to pass that unemployment doesn't cover more than the rent, gas and electric, and 1 car payment....and leaves very little for groceries....and now, that my savings is depleted, my credit cards are almost maxed out and my health insurance (cobra) has come due for the month, i lay awake at night trying to figure out how this is all going to play out...how long do we go without paying on certain things before being eligible for filing bankruptcy? what things do we HAVE to have to survive (home, phone, internet, 1 car - all for trying to find a job)? this is where we are right now....we are a single income family....my life-partner stays home to take care of his daughter and our home...i am trying to start my own IT consulting business to small, local companies...and i apply to all jobs, country wide, as they are posted...anything i can do to try and provide for my family....we are VERY lucky to have a very strong, loving, supportive family unit, and even when going through cancer treatment, i have been happiest i have ever been being with my love and the family we have built...all i want is to be able to provide for all of us....so i hunt...and i fight...and i juggle funds....and now i vent.

with the unemployment rate climbing every day, and the market being saturated with experienced professionals, the prospects become more and more bleak for finding gainful employment....so, how do we get out of this MESS?

.....introductions....

the purpose of this blog is to simply vent, and encourage others to share their experiences through this 'recession' we are all trying to survive. the days of glossing over the reality of life, and simply putting up the facade that 'everything is just fine' are long gone....we are in a tumultuous time, and i will be one of many (i am sure) that are willing to share their hardships and their fight to survive and try to support our families.